I just finished reading a book called The Healing Code. It was fascinating! I learned so much about why we do what we do. In a nutshell, the author, Dr. Alex Loyd, stated that the illnesses we have are due to negative memories of bad experiences that we have had that are not only in our minds, but at the cellular level. The cellular memories cause us to have negative energy in our bodies that create stress. The stress causes us to be constantly in “fight or flight mode.” That causes the immune system to shut down, and that’s when illnesses begin to set in. He also said that cellular memories are a part of our subconscious mind, or the heart. Therefore, spiritual heart problems are the reason we have the issues that we grapple with in life. That’s why Solomon told us in Proverbs 4:23 (NLT), “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
After reading the book, I came to the following conclusions that I think we need to keep in mind when we are dealing with difficult people in our relationships:
1. People are being driven largely by what is in their subconscious mind. Dr. Loyd says that only 10% of our memories are conscious. We are unaware of the other 90% of our memories that are driving our behavior everyday.
2. 90% of the time, individuals we encounter are unaware of why they are behaving the way they do. If subconscious memories are driving people to behave certain negative ways, then they are not necessarily trying to hurt others on purpose. Their unconscious beliefs are birthed out of their negative cellular memories. They are simply responding to the world out of that resulting belief system.
3. People cannot act any differently than their awareness will allow. Therefore, we as Christians need to be patient with each other. If a person is unaware of what they are doing and why they are doing it, they don’t have the power to make a choice to do something different. II Timothy 2:26 explains that they are in “the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.” Therefore, we are required to show mercy. We must say as Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). We are called to be “kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32).
4. We need to understand who we are in Christ. If we know who we are in Christ, people’s negative behaviors generated by subconscious cellular memories will have no power to nullify the perception of our own righteousness in Christ Jesus. No weapon formed against us shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). If we can dodge that bullet of deception the enemy attempts to send our way, then we can walk free of offense.
If a person has a sprained ankle, he’ll walk with a limp. He can’t help it. You can’t expect him to walk normally. In the same way, when people have been wounded emotionally and have negative memories at a subconscious cellular level, they will not give healthy behavioral responses, and you can’t expect them to. The best you can do for that person is to love them, bless them, pray for them, and do good to them as Jesus commanded in Luke 6:27, and hang on to your righteousness. If you can keep your wits about you no matter what, you will be able to realize that whatever is going on with the person is not about you.
Even though difficult people are unable to make choices about their behaviors because of issues they are not aware of, you must choose ahead of time to walk in forgiveness. You must make a choice about whether the relationship is worth fighting for. Finally, you ultimately must choose whether you will continue to subject yourself to their behaviors or not. Some people must be loved at a distance. If not, they may never be motivated to ask God to help them to change. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide, for He knows precisely what is needed to effect change in any and every situation.
What strategies do you use to effectivelydeal with difficult people in your life? Leave a comment below.
(Image courtesy of Graur Razvan Ionut via freedigitalphotos.net)